


Star Wars Outtakes

by AnotherStoryFan



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, Parody
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-22
Updated: 2016-01-22
Packaged: 2018-05-15 12:09:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5784817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnotherStoryFan/pseuds/AnotherStoryFan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of my random (and usually crazy) Star Wars ideas. Mostly small crack-fics.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Jedi Snack

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars, any other movies/TV shows, or any brand names mentioned in this story.

Obi-Wan yawned as he trudged to his quarters in the Jedi Temple. It had been a long and exhausting day, but that was to be expected while training a padawan as stubborn and annoying as Anakin Skywalker. Now was the time to relax, maybe watch a few holodramas while eating some delicious snacks.

He opened the door to his room and froze. Yoda was sitting on the counter, with a bag of party-sized Doritos in one hand and a 2-liter Pepsi in the other. His claws and robes were covered in yellow dust, and he had a brown soda mustache. He noticed Obi-Wan, but didn't seem to care. He continued to munch and chug without a care in the world.

"Ahem," Obi-Wan said.

Yoda shot him a glance.

"Supposed to see this, you were not," he said between mouthfuls, "Join me, would you like to?"

The Jedi Master let out a massive burp that lasted for five seconds. Obi-Wan threw up his hands in defeat.

"I don't want to know," he said, walking out the door.

He made his way to his favorite bar. He was going to need something waaayyy stronger than a Pepsi to cure his massive headache.


	2. Unwanted Info

Luke sat in his quarters after the awards ceremony. He couldn't believe that he went from a moisture farmer on Tatooine to a hero in just short days! He kept on touching his medal, everything feeling strangely surreal. If only his father could see him...

He was interrupted by Artoo-Deeto and See-Threepio barging in without permission. He sighed.

"What'd you two want?" asked Luke, irritated that he had been snapped out of his daydreams, "If your gears need to be oiled, I'm not doing it, I did it a week ago. Go annoy Han instead."

Artoo beeped incessantly.

"I do apologize for this mannerless astromech droid, Master Luke," said Threepio, "But he keeps on repeatedly saying the most peculiar things."

"Such as?"

"Well, he says that Darth Vader is your father, and that the Princess Leia is your sister. Ridiculous gossip, if I do say so myself!"

Luke stared, dumbfounded. His first thought was that Artoo was lying, but he searched his feelings like Ben had told him to do, and realized that it was the truth.

Oh my god, he thought as realization dawned on his face, Darth Vader is my father! But even worse, I KISSED MY OWN SISTER!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Luke yelled, then fainted.

The ghost of Obi-Wan facepalmed.


	3. Sugar Rush

Dooku smiled triumphantly as he stood over the fallen Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker. Now all he had to do was to finish them off. Just as he was about to raise his lightsaber, he heard grunting coming from behind him. He turned and saw Master Yoda walking slowly towards him, using his stick to assist him. Dooku smirked. This bag of skin and bones could barely move, let alone fight him in a duel!

"Master Yoda, what a pleasant surprise," Dooku said in his dignified manner, "I see that you're a little worse for the wear."

"Old I am," said Yoda, "But fight you still, I can, my former padawan."

Dooku's smirk grew even wider. It would only take a few strokes to finish off his ex-master forever. He reignited his lightsaber.

"Your move, Master Yoda."

Yoda summoned a can from inside his cloak. He popped it open and drank all of it in a few giant gulps.

 _Was that an energy drink?_ thought a very confused Dooku.

Yoda began to shake with nervous energy due to the caffeine and sugar.

"Give you wings, Red Bull does," said the small master, before igniting his own lightsaber and jumping off the walls like a pinball on steroids.

 _Bantha dung_ , thought Dooku, _I'm dead._

In the middle of his sugar rush, Yoda turned to the Count. Dooku could take no more. He dropped his lightsaber and ran to his ship, screaming like a little girl.


End file.
